Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Emerging from the Darkness

As I'm closing in on the end of 2010, I honestly can say I am emerging from the darkness of grief that has ruled my life for the last two+ years. I guess that's what sparked this blog, a desire to finally become alive again, to see clearly. I have been unsure for more than two years whether I'd ever feel joy again. I haven't yet felt that spinning excitement again, but am certain it's in my grasp.

My vow for 2011 is to celebrate life the way these two people did. Especially Greg, shot down in a hail of bullets by a psychopath, yet true to his spirt, in his last living act, helping out as he always did, by blocking the path of the gunman. I never understood how he was always so excited about everything he did. I need to somehow channel that now. And then merely a year later, 2009, Barbara is plagued with yet another form of cancer, this one she just could not beat. She epitomized the grace and style I wish I could.



Last May, I finally journied to a retreat with Jewel Heart and haven't looked back. After eight years of toying with Buddhism, anectdotally referring to its wonderful tenets, I've finally become more serious about that spiritual path.
I was so inspired by the words of Rimpoche, even while not understanding them all, his mere presence calming and hopeful. Yes, life can be good, but for me it will not be in the momentary snapshots that leave one longing for more.

I'm taking a deep breath as 2011 begins, and going to exhale and enjoy what it brings.